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(In hindsight, red flag, obviously – be careful when somebody picks you up on the street! Actually, he was still living with his wife, the mother of his children, and she didn’t know he was out picking up ladies AND he’d just right then lied. I should have known by the way he scurried along the gutter. It almost seems like there is something about the Centaur that’s meant to get me SO flustered that I eventually give up, stop overthinking, and stop trying to control my reality. He asked me to hold off for a few more minutes because he was busy preening. His apartment is an old victorian place full of patina. He took some time to give me a tour and explain the science behind how tough it would be to crash the thing.

It’s a good thing that I’m no longer sitting passively by and letting some man make decisions for me all the time, and feeling unhappy. I walked with stress about whether I could give Tim enough fun this summer running through my mind. There’s so many places I want to go, both as a free single lady and with Tim. Do you have a super embarrassing digital-age blooper under your dating belt? But I was also worried that if I passed up dates, I’d calcify and never get back in the game. When someone cute but not ‘my type’ asked me out, my fear of becoming a lonely cat lady if I didn’t start dating pushed me to just try it and see what happened. Putting me at ease, he stated that he’d probably be a awkward when we met because he thought I was gorgeous! I arranged for my son to go home with a friend so that I could meet him for a patio happy hour one afternoon. I was still nervous that he might expect something. But contrary to his warning, my date was actually laid back and fun, totally confident, and looked and smelled great. As we played giant Jenga on the patio, his confidence and masculine presence infused me with my own confidence. Brushing my wrists and finding other ways to make contact as we goofed around and talked. Here’s what happened: I emailed an invite to a bunch of parents about a fun party night for Tim for his 12th birthday. Right after I pressed send, I panicked; should I have consulted with my ex before unilaterally planning? Would Tim be hurt if his dad wasn’t there for his party like he always has been in the past? When he gets up to go to the bathroom I decide to risk asking him about his politics when he returns. All I can think about is how people in earshot must be so annoyed to have to listen to our attempt to connect. This was before I’d called the Centaur but after I’d met him and got his number. They are so cute together, cracking each other up all day, developing inside jokes and having fun. As I was leaving the nightmare awkward date, above, I looked to my right and realized The Centaur had been sitting there the whole time, hearing every word. Today, it’s the process of planning vacations that sets me off (I know, I’m pretty lucky if this is the type of thing that gets me upset). Tim has his two middle-school aged cousins in town this week, and life is good.Thinking that Tim might be sad if both parents weren’t there, I countered that maybe we should do it all together and invite some other relatives.Immediately I felt myself recoil from my own suggestion.

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